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Sleeping Buddah

A

There are a few limits I want to overcome... yet my will fails.
Fear is still stronger.

I've trained myself so much and I know my essence inside out.
I even know why I fail... how and when.

Still I fail.

Loosing is too easy... so easy it's tempting.
In loosing, one can never fail. It's relaxing, relieving... refreshing.

Consciously failing, you waste time.
Wasting time, you feel like you're free from the cage of continuity.
Proving you're free, implies you're ultimately powerful.

Being powerful shouldn't imply that you have to prove it to yourself everytime, yet you do.
It's fear's legacy. When fear grows hungry and goes out of control, the waste becomes her doing.
And sought failure stops proving your power... it just proves your weakness.

I used to control my fear, but now I'm a slave trying to break free.
I grew stronger in fighting failures, and so did my fear.

What I forgot, was to train myself in managing her primal energy... being unable to tap the stream of emotions, I surrender to instinct.

I failed... and I failed poorly.
I'm scared that could happen again... that means I'm not back in balance.

I'm a weakling struggling to make dreams come true... I shouldn't be struggling, but that's the price for understanding what I know now.

It's time to call the demons back... face them again and get back on track.
That is something one should never share or give up. I won't do that again.
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monkey

March 2010

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