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monkey

My last 24 hours were really heavy... I'm not talking of physical fatigue... not even work.

After a long time, I'm finally recovering from my psychological block.
Panic is an almost forgotten nightmare and future is bright once again.

"Why should life be heavy, then?"

Ehhh... the question's right... I really don't know.
I've had BAD arguments with two different girls and I didn't like that.

My mind knows I've done nothing wrong, but my heart does not agree... I was kinda happy crushing them, even if there was no real point in doing so.

I've other, more akin friends (like XXIII)... the fact that those pals let me be me, even if this means BORING, ASSERTIVE and EGOCENTRIC makes me feel great... free.
With them I'm always at ease... I respect them more then myself and I'd NEVER come to this point with them.

If those two girls were just able not to jump on my feet, read carefully and understand what I said, we could have avoided all this mess.
Am I so crazy thinking that all human beings can grow to be mature mammals? :-)

Once they cross the line, my reactions grow destructive, powerful, unbearable...
doesn't matter if I'm right or not...
I have to win...
crush...
THEY STOLE MY FUCKIN' SMILE!!!

I'm like that and I LIKE being like that... FURY is the price they pay for asking me to be dull, plain and normal.
For thinking that their lil problems should be everyone's concern... bleach...

I fear this time it's gonna be worse than the past: usually, after a few days, they'd come back as nothing had happened, maybe implying silently that it was all my fault, but I'm forgiven. Not this time.
I'm the only one who's gonna decide if MY TIME was wasted into nothing.

... now... if only I could be content with all this... aaaaaaarrrgh... stream of consciousness sucks when you're angry! :-)

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monkey

March 2010

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