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Dec. 31st, 2007

monkey

2007 - ASSessment

For this whole year, every single slice of free time had me instantly taking long sits on the WC.
Devoided of everything, I was then graced with awesome night sleeps, then toilet again.

All 2007 worked like that.

Took me a while, then I finally realized my body had quit the subtle signs game.
No more wimpy panic attacks, time to get loud: it was the neighborhood's turn to get scared.

I took action and my life has actually been helluva better, but my body is still giving me timely reminders so that I don't screw up.


All I hope for 2008 is to stop being among the top ten reasons for climate changes.

If that means I have to be happier and healthier, G'oh knows I'll accept my burden.

Else I might as well sell my disgrace to Al-Quaeda.


Have a nice leap year: if you feel a wind of change, just hope it's not my ultimate buff! :D


[ For the record: don't fear me in the elevator... I'm a man, I keep it together until the time comes for a virile and secluded explosion ]
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Oct. 5th, 2007

seal, savvy

Loverdose

Segue un breve monologo di oggi su Skype. Roba mia.
Ho consapevolmente mentito in un paio di punti e l'ho condito con vittimismo artificiale... un capolavoro di ingegneria del disgusto.

"I felt like destroying something beautiful."


[04/10/2007 12.55.25] Johnny Piacentini says: Da parte tua - coerentemente con i tuoi sentimenti nei miei confronti - non ci saranno mai "spinte"... oltre a questo, col tuo bisogno di controllo, integrarmi diventa sostanzialmente impossibile. C'e' sempre un'altra emergenza, un'altra cosa da fare, un'altra priorita'... e a me non ti vuoi affidare perche' - coerentemente - significherebbe darmi uno spazio che non vuoi darmi.

So benissimo di non sapermi adattare a questo stato di cose... non solo per i sentimenti, ma per come sono fatto io. Non saprei se sia un pregio o un difetto... :)
Ogni volta che mi sforzo di far funzionare questa cosa, manco di rispetto a me stesso... e' inutile che mi racconti cazzate... le "approssimazioni" non mi piacciono... finche' dura la felicita' transitoria di averti ritrovato va tutto bene... ma poi mi accorgo di essere tornato nel ruolo dell'amico / eunuco / confidente segreto... e mi incazzo con me stesso.
E' umiliante... e la colpa - ovviamente - e' mia.

Che a te faccia piacere avermi cosi' lo capisco... e' un po' egoista :P... ma lo capisco.
Non capisco me stesso che lo accetto.

Cio' che mi fa accettare non e' l'amore, ma la caparbieta'... la fede nei miei sentimenti... forse anche un po' la solitudine.
Chiederti di darmi una ragione per "lasciarti" e' stato stupido... non hai motivo di darmene alcuna. Io di motivi ne ho sufficienti...
Mi dispiace, mi fa arrabbiare... ma con questa disparita' di emozioni, lasciarti forse e' la cosa migliore... non per noi. Per me.


Non sono capace di digerire i compromessi.
Divento davvero stronzo.


Che schifo.
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Jul. 4th, 2007

monkey

I'm in

Iscriviti al Vaffanculo Day
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Jun. 21st, 2007

Sleeping Buddah

Born to be permanent

Here to stay. This space is mine forever.
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Jun. 7th, 2007

Sleeping Buddah

He's born! (or Boeing?)

7/6/7 at 5:55... almost diabolical, for a smallish human spawn named after God's own messenger!

What to say... I'm once again a cousin.

Feels good! :)
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Jun. 5th, 2007

seal, savvy

Porous is me

I feel like I teleported in SpoongeBob's pants.
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May. 21st, 2007

monkey

The running in circles castle of Howl

Everyone has a daemon.
Mine, I've known from the age of 10 (maybe a bit earlier, actually).

Life is a moving castle made of people, doors, their friends, their enemies, their daemons. And your daemon.

Do as you wish, but never let your daemon alone.
Be sure he's cared for by safe hands. Loving hands.

Daemons are sparkles of life. Your sparkle.

Mine, I left in wrong hands... maybe just scared hands... maybe just not ready hands. Maybe uncaring hands.


Love has nothing to do with letting people hurt you: I often forget that. Too often.
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May. 20th, 2007

seal, savvy

Overtime

Waiting is the worst mistake.
It's wishing for reality to undo itself.

For a fucking surprise... for a revelation that won't come.

It's hoping you are wrong, used to be mistaken or slightly misunderstood.


If there were more words to say, I'd say them.
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May. 17th, 2007

seal, savvy

Onehundredsixty square meters of freedom

A new home.
My long time room dismissed.
DNA encoded routines to be replaced by viral experience.
I'm incredibly excited. Way more than I could have ever imagined.

Just take a look at The Bed! :)


This would be perfect. Would be. It ain't. And someone is the cause.
Me keeps listening. Me keeps giving. Me still dreams.

My dream keeps blinking real, but then goes back to being a nightmare.

I don't fear nightmares, but the dream is slowly fading into oblivion.

I love that dream. Eventually, I'll move on to other dreams.

I feel like the better part of me is disappointed in me.
Aware, yet disappointed nonetheless.
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May. 15th, 2007

monkey

Perfect Storm

A mega-storm is approaching. It looks like it anyways.
Wind is blowing so strong that the air smells clean.

Am I the only one who gets incredibly turned on by this kind of scenario?

Too bad I'm alone... guess I'll have to waste these energies and get off on the balcony. :D
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