[ The Matrix, Interrupted ]

Bedtime story

Sun, 04 May 2008 03:03:54 GMT

Questa notte c'era il castello del Governatore, pieno di spaventati fantasmi e folli giostre acquatiche.

Un sogno triste e felice insieme, che parla della disattenzione... della morte come piccolo intoppo.
Parla della morte che complica - rendendola infinita - una catena di scelte sbagliate.

E di uova, uova schifose... limite e condanna per qualcuno che ha dimenticato l'emozione di cio' che amava fare.

Parla dell'ispirazione... dell'inutilita' dell'agnosticismo di fronte alla timidezza di un soprannaturale soffocato dalla vergogna di non essere ritenuto reale... rifiutato persino da se stesso.

Settimana scorsa, con sogni (e risvegli) che sarebbe impossibile narrare, esprimevo la felicita' immensa per una piccola piccola conferma... per un'infinitesimo accenno di convergenza. Di senso.

Questa settimana e' tutto un confuso elaborare sul conto presentatomi per questa briciola di senso. Sul fatto che mentre lo pagavo, il senso mi e' stato pure rubato.

Sono costretto a riconscere l'ironia degli eventi... se non ne fossi protagonista, li troverei squisitamente surreali.

Memorabilia

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:04:53 GMT

Lunedi' 21 Aprile 2008 una donna si e' detto stupita e preoccupata per il fatto che - incredibile ma vero - io NON stessi parlando! :D

Oggi, Venerdi' 25, ho sognato questa qualcuna, cosa estremamente frequente ormai.
Nel sogno c'e' stato un bacio... un bacio molto intenso... cosi' intenso da svegliarmi.

Due inediti assoluti, che si aggiungono ad una lista gia' chilometrica di sorprese...

RiveDay 2008

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 22:57:42 GMT

Contravvenendo con gioia alle regole che io stesso ho stabilito, il RiCapodanno quest'anno si festeggera' il 5 di Aprile.

Location, location, location: Birrificio di Como
Per tirarmela un po', eccovi il link al volantino ufficiale

35 euro, che includono la cena e dell'ottima birra artigianale (o vino di imprecisata qualita') a VOLONTA'. Si', proprio a volonta'.
Musica live, chi vorra' potra' ballare, ampio parcheggio coperto e possibilita' di pernottare vicino al birrificio per una cifra ragionevole (sotto le 50 euro, da confermare secondo disponibilita')

Chiunque volesse partecipare, me lo faccia sapere rapidamente.

Just wait

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 12:22:26 GMT

Have you ever fallen for an IncrediMagical relationship?

Those that absorb you totally from the very first moment.
Those that make you blind to everything except the partner.
Those that make everything else a little bit less important.

Those doomed to end badly, with you waking up one day far from your friends, far from your life and drowning in self anger.

I tried one myself, just because I needed proof.

These days, I'm proving myself right the other way around... with a relationship that's complicated, leaves plenty of room to both of our lives, makes them better.

So far, I'm astonished.

Some of this, some of that

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 01:02:29 GMT

"Deeper Underground" - Jamiroquai
"Heavy Fuel" - Dire Straits
"Thunderstruck" - AC/DC
"Two minutes to midnight" - Iron Maiden
"So what" - Metallica
"Tribute" - Tenacious D
"Galvanize" - The Chemical Brothers
"Boomerang" - Jasmine Wagner

... and for the "emo" ending...

"More than words" - Extreme

I'm a winner with an attitude! :D

With this clever recipe, I made it clear to my neighbors there was no way they could win this war.

The next day, I woke up relaxed in a peaceful and fuckin' respectful silence... as I got out to go to work, the guy that takes care of the building acted as a peace messenger: they told him they got the message loud and clear... they said they were NOW sorry because of their disrespectful behavior.

I'm proud of myself, I gave'em what age seems to have failed to give: wisdom. :P

Another unruly couple of oldlings got taught an important lesson in music! :D

House Rules

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 22:12:22 GMT

Three months ago, new neighbors moved in.
Sweet old couple, both retired.

After a few days, I began waking up really tired with this weird feeling of knowing the latest news by heart.

I was puzzled and had trouble working... slowly, their evil plan unfold itself to me.

Those coward bastards wake up at 06.45 AM, pop the TV on, pump the volume sky high.
Every fuckin' day. Every day the sky gettin' higher.

My sleep is tough, so they began by just disturbing my REM phase.
After one month of teasing, they reached nerve disruption level.

I've lived in a flat long enough to know there's no such thing as diplomacy or reasoning with this kind of devil.

Yet.

Yet I tried - stupid me - to let the sweet old couple know my point.

Conscious that hard feelings make me a bad ambassador, I had an intermediary ask them to lower the volume, buy headphones or die prematurely, which ever was more convenient.
I didn't even come to the point of mentioning the "low noise till 08:00 am" house rule... I was desperate, but not that crazy to believe in law.

The next day I was sweetly awaken by a tidal wave of advertising and jingles.
I think I heard some laughter, too.

It was time to settle this the old fashioned way: retaliation.

I'm currently pumping 100db towards their bedroom... Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt, how ironic.

I heard noises coming from their lair... it's strange, I know for a fact they like to go to sleep early. Too bad I cannot hear a word of what they say... maybe they like the music... maybe they want more. Sorry, it's 00:00, it's time to lower the volume.

Next show begins tomorrow at the same time.

Hope you're not too tired when you wake up 06:45... sweet dreams.

Yes, I love you... but what's your name again?

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 02:07:52 GMT

She takes my sleep and feeds me happiness.
She is actually my female self, but with kick ass looks.
She thinks and writes in sync with me and that's fuckin' scary.
She saw my weapon, my face and asked my name. In this order.
She said we shouldn't have sex, it's selfcest.
She was born on 2/8/82, all binary and palindrome. So perfect.

She is the first clue that 2008 is gonna be the best. Year. Ever.

This can't be coming just from the fuckin' name! :D

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:46:25 GMT

What Johnny Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

New Year's Rive (RiCapoDanno)

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 00:01:42 GMT

My brain / guts / bad timing took new year's eve from me. That means war.

People around me know I've a thing for making up new events.
We got lots of Rebirthdays, we actually celebrate the Last Supper, I married myself on 6 / 6 / 6 just because I couldn't waste the date.

From today I'll be celebrating a new re-vent, New Year's Rive.

The spelling is fine. ReEve was lacking in punch. This party is gonna rive the damn year up!

In agreement with jaddino and lostfx we decided what follows:

- The next day after Rive should be saturday, sunday or an holiday
- Rive has to happen on a month's end
- If the year is a leap year, Feb 29 is the first candidate
- Since here in Italy the first day of May is an holiday, the Rive has to happen before May

That said, 29th Feb 2008 is gonna be the first Rive Day.

If you're interested in joining or organizing a local party in your area / country, drop a line!

2007 - ASSessment

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 03:17:04 GMT

For this whole year, every single slice of free time had me instantly taking long sits on the WC.
Devoided of everything, I was then graced with awesome night sleeps, then toilet again.

All 2007 worked like that.

Took me a while, then I finally realized my body had quit the subtle signs game.
No more wimpy panic attacks, time to get loud: it was the neighborhood's turn to get scared.

I took action and my life has actually been helluva better, but my body is still giving me timely reminders so that I don't screw up.

All I hope for 2008 is to stop being among the top ten reasons for climate changes.

If that means I have to be happier and healthier, G'oh knows I'll accept my burden.

Else I might as well sell my disgrace to Al-Quaeda.

Have a nice leap year: if you feel a wind of change, just hope it's not my ultimate buff! :D

[ For the record: don't fear me in the elevator... I'm a man, I keep it together until the time comes for a virile and secluded explosion ]

Loverdose

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 22:45:59 GMT

Segue un breve monologo di oggi su Skype. Roba mia.
Ho consapevolmente mentito in un paio di punti e l'ho condito con vittimismo artificiale... un capolavoro di ingegneria del disgusto.

"I felt like destroying something beautiful."

[04/10/2007 12.55.25] Johnny Piacentini says: Da parte tua - coerentemente con i tuoi sentimenti nei miei confronti - non ci saranno mai "spinte"... oltre a questo, col tuo bisogno di controllo, integrarmi diventa sostanzialmente impossibile. C'e' sempre un'altra emergenza, un'altra cosa da fare, un'altra priorita'... e a me non ti vuoi affidare perche' - coerentemente - significherebbe darmi uno spazio che non vuoi darmi.

So benissimo di non sapermi adattare a questo stato di cose... non solo per i sentimenti, ma per come sono fatto io. Non saprei se sia un pregio o un difetto... :)
Ogni volta che mi sforzo di far funzionare questa cosa, manco di rispetto a me stesso... e' inutile che mi racconti cazzate... le "approssimazioni" non mi piacciono... finche' dura la felicita' transitoria di averti ritrovato va tutto bene... ma poi mi accorgo di essere tornato nel ruolo dell'amico / eunuco / confidente segreto... e mi incazzo con me stesso.
E' umiliante... e la colpa - ovviamente - e' mia.

Che a te faccia piacere avermi cosi' lo capisco... e' un po' egoista :P... ma lo capisco.
Non capisco me stesso che lo accetto.

Cio' che mi fa accettare non e' l'amore, ma la caparbieta'... la fede nei miei sentimenti... forse anche un po' la solitudine.
Chiederti di darmi una ragione per "lasciarti" e' stato stupido... non hai motivo di darmene alcuna. Io di motivi ne ho sufficienti...
Mi dispiace, mi fa arrabbiare... ma con questa disparita' di emozioni, lasciarti forse e' la cosa migliore... non per noi. Per me.

Non sono capace di digerire i compromessi.
Divento davvero stronzo.

Che schifo.

I'm in

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 16:40:59 GMT

Born to be permanent

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:24:08 GMT

Here to stay. This space is mine forever.

He's born! (or Boeing?)

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 04:52:42 GMT

7/6/7 at 5:55... almost diabolical, for a smallish human spawn named after God's own messenger!

What to say... I'm once again a cousin.

Feels good! :)

Porous is me

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 21:02:33 GMT

I feel like I teleported in SpoongeBob's pants.

The running in circles castle of Howl

Sun, 20 May 2007 23:25:20 GMT

Everyone has a daemon.
Mine, I've known from the age of 10 (maybe a bit earlier, actually).

Life is a moving castle made of people, doors, their friends, their enemies, their daemons. And your daemon.

Do as you wish, but never let your daemon alone.
Be sure he's cared for by safe hands. Loving hands.

Daemons are sparkles of life. Your sparkle.

Mine, I left in wrong hands... maybe just scared hands... maybe just not ready hands. Maybe uncaring hands.

Love has nothing to do with letting people hurt you: I often forget that. Too often.

Overtime

Sat, 19 May 2007 23:24:18 GMT

Waiting is the worst mistake.
It's wishing for reality to undo itself.

For a fucking surprise... for a revelation that won't come.

It's hoping you are wrong, used to be mistaken or slightly misunderstood.

If there were more words to say, I'd say them.

Onehundredsixty square meters of freedom

Thu, 17 May 2007 00:45:22 GMT

A new home.
My long time room dismissed.
DNA encoded routines to be replaced by viral experience.
I'm incredibly excited. Way more than I could have ever imagined.

Just take a look at The Bed! :)

This would be perfect. Would be. It ain't. And someone is the cause.
Me keeps listening. Me keeps giving. Me still dreams.

My dream keeps blinking real, but then goes back to being a nightmare.

I don't fear nightmares, but the dream is slowly fading into oblivion.

I love that dream. Eventually, I'll move on to other dreams.

I feel like the better part of me is disappointed in me.
Aware, yet disappointed nonetheless.

Perfect Storm

Tue, 15 May 2007 19:16:59 GMT

A mega-storm is approaching. It looks like it anyways.
Wind is blowing so strong that the air smells clean.

Am I the only one who gets incredibly turned on by this kind of scenario?

Too bad I'm alone... guess I'll have to waste these energies and get off on the balcony. :D

Cash in Cash out

Thu, 10 May 2007 09:57:26 GMT

I woke up with an SMS this morning.
It was my bank informing me that Zurich Investments Life had just sent me 1700,00 euros.

Point is... I'm not even one of their customers! :)

I just talked with a very kind woman who's gonna handle this situation.

I told her that if they want to keep sending me money, it's fine with me. :D

Friends will be friends

Thu, 10 May 2007 02:16:28 GMT

I told her I quit this relationship.

She ignored me. She kept telling me lots of "better", "different", "no more pain".
I went on for one whole hour repeating I'm in too much pain.
I'm sad and angry. I feel trapped. I tried so hard, yet I don't feel any closure.

I love her, yet she's been hurting me for years.
She doesn't like me in so many different ways... what she likes, she doesn't tell.

I feel like shit. I want respect. I want space. I want a choice.

I'm the dumb one here, right?

Note to self

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 02:49:18 GMT

Rubik's cube can be solved in three ways:

- with strategy and rules
- by breaking it and reassembling it "right"
- by realizing it's just as cool when it's not solved

Relationships work in the exact same way.

Sometimes things go bad or just change and won't fit anymore.

You don't need to "solve" your life.
You don't need to erase the past and start over.
You don't need to copycat some boring model.

It just means you should scramble and see what happens. See if you like it that way.

A 3x3x3 Rubik's relationship has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 permutations: no one has seen them all. No one knows the rules.

Don't panic and suit yourself.

FreeDimensional

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 03:42:47 GMT

So many things to do, so much free time to do them.

And not doing them: addiction to freedom gets this bad.

Relationships distort into masochism: I try hard being rejected for perfectly good reasons.
Rejection spells I was right about respect. Failure makes me mock myself, waste freedom and fear my lack of fear.

I'm actually a lovely jerk-to-myself oracle, who says not to believe his own visions.
Life molds to dreams, and I usually dream'em hard enough to inspire people around me.

Not hard enough to inspire myself, though.
Not hard enough to inspire a few important fellow dreamers.

In theory, I'm far from being always right.
In practice, I make trying both fun and worthwhile... even when I'm dead wrong.

People who want to lecture me me, say I'm arrogant.
People who want to praise me, say I'm clairvoyant.

I'm none. I'm no god. I'm no villain.
I'm just a dreamer, who happens to be right and wrong, but never fails to try.
Dreams often miss macroscopic facts, but also highlight tiny details that people value and love.

I used to take details back from dreamworld.
Lately, I'm having a hard time with it.
I'm having a hard time with crazy emotions, too.

I want a detail that's all mine.
I want something I won't ever ask.

I want a lullaby. Just a lullaby.

An XXL oxygen mask

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 17:45:27 GMT

An ugly hostess wanted me to sign a life insurance costing like 5000 euros every year.
I argued this was WAY too much and complained I wanted to see a movie instead.

She called reinforcements.

Three ugly hostesses looked at us passengers and yelled "Oxygen masks test, put them on now!"

An enormous, badly fitting mask fell down from up above and then - fuck their insurance - the pilot started a pseudo falling maneuver. I felt I was falling, then I realized this was just a crappy dream.

I woke up pissed at myself. I can so do much better than this.

Krakozhia!

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:45:45 GMT

2 hours and I'll be 28.

6 months and I'll (supposedly) own a house. A new wonderful one, back in Bergamo.

I'm trying to remember my dreams and kick everything else out of my mind.

It's hard, yet it works.