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monkey

Shower and bed may wait, I need to write something.

This week has been really tense, both in terms of business and social life... I've kept delaying non vital things, as I felt I wasn't going to be able to handle the pressure.

I took an entire day off, yet I found it difficult to focus.

I went back to gaming and isolation for most of my free time... I managed to relax a bit and reorganize my priorities... during work time I finally managed to sort out big money issues and this is surely going to improve on the quality of my week end.

I've managed to talk with Paola and explain my point, but I don't really feel like anything changed. I feel like I gave fuel to the engine only to make the car go round around the problem and back to the starting point, ready for another ride into the valley of Pain & Misunderstanding.
I don't really know... I won't betray my promise of being her friend beyond any trouble of sorts, but I'm quite uncertain about what's the best way of expressing my frienship to her... I might try to leave her alone for the time being and see what happens.

As of something I didn't mention before, I also had a small exchange with this other girl Barbara.

If I were to describe her in short, she's the kind of person who thinks:
"it would be wonderful, but I can't"

We use to argue about almost anything and I'm often being accused of hurting her. She's never bleeding, though...
She has way too much pain in her life: my impression is that she's started calling pain any unauthorized emotion that she comes in contact with.
She can't seem to find a single moment of peace and her soul is simply intoxicated with pain... even if she says I'm hurting her, I'm only knocking on a sealed door.

I wish she could really cry for her own sake, feel free to hate and scream...

Anyway... I had this argument with her about secrets and discretion... it's terrible to see how people assume we all follow the same rules.

She asked me something about her blog... as soon as she mentioned the fact that she wanted her blog to remain secret, I told her not to show me the URL. I hate secrets.

She sent me the URL and got mad when I told her I didn't felt bound to keep her secret.
She had assumed I would keep her secret because I was some kind of "good boy"...

Well, I AM a good boy. :-)

I pointed out that I had no reason to tell anyone about her blog, but this wasn't enough: in her mind I should have felt compelled not to spread this piece of information, as this was also my secret now.

Do people realize how childish they are?

Most human beings would have no problem promising secrecy... and it's also MOST OBVIOUS that most of them would spread that very same secret 30 seconds after knowing.

Secrets have a meaning only when they are SECRET.

Using friendship as a mean to force other people to listen without telling is simply WRONG.
If I'm a good and trusted friend, I'll decide on my own what to do with that information... and if the best thing were to tell anyone, I'd do it.

Well... I couldn't explain myself on this matter... as for most others with Barbara. :-)


Ufff... it's already 5:42... guess it's all for now since my eyes are closing. :-)

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monkey

March 2010

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